I have a heavy heart today.
We chose recently to put our house up for sale in what we call a “dew on the fleece” situation to see what God wanted us to do regarding where we lived as life moves forward with my job change.
Because realistically, we could remain where we live outside of Fort Worth and make the (long) commute to our respective jobs. We really could. But we also wanted to see if there was any possibility of moving into Fort Worth and live a little closer to our work and future place of worship.
So, we held hands and prayed asking God to give us a clear answer. A few days later our house was on the market.
And, exactly four days later it was sold. By the first person who looked at it.
Now, I am not one who subscribes to the “health and wealth” gospel where God will give you monetary blessings and abundance in possessions if you do what he says. But when he answers the question in such terms you have to take pause and think he might be telling you something about what he wants you to do.
So, needless to say we have scrambled to get our house packed up and figure out where we plan to live until we can find somewhere permanent. Those aspects of the story have been worked out so I’ll spare you the details for the time being.
Yet, with the answer came a loss. While a house is essentially four walls and a yard it was so much more than that for our family. This little parcel of land represents the place our marriage began and the only place my son has ever called home. Our little place in the country was the place where numerous youth group teenagers came to study the bible, eat a meal, and watch stupid TV shows. The front porch of this little house sheltered many late night conversations on rickety rocking chairs. We feel like God stopped by the place and made himself known from time to time.
So, in this quick answer from God we lost something. And, I think we are grieving.
Because we are leaving a significant phase of life behind to open a new chapter. To quote my great friend and fellow blog contributor, Allen Carr “you are trading one set of good things for another.” And, this sage wisdom rings especially true in this situation.
So, in the middle of all of these things we feel a little lost. As of now we are between homes. My little boy wakes up confused and anxious since he is unfamiliar with his surroundings. Even our drive to work is a little different. We are unsettled.
While I know this is normal and thousands of people all across the world do the same thing every day, it is always the most real when you go through it.
But this morning, I found some comfort from those Irish Jesuits over at Sacred Space. They shared a story of a very successful businessman who confessed that none of his successes in his business or family life offer a lot of direction. Instead, he confesses that “prayer coordinates my life”.
This struck me as we are in a time of question. We spend a lot of time in our family making sure our decisions are correct and that we don’t look back and regret any of these decisions. In other words we try to coordinate our own lives.
Yet in the midst of loss and a seeming disorientation we can find a centering work in simple dedicated prayer.
In other words, we find a true home in Christ who never, ever changes.
May it be as He says.
And, I ask that you join our family in this prayer as we simply seek our risen God in the midst of this disorientation.
How has prayer centered you during uncertain times?